Another reason not to go to prison...

(a scene from NBC's The Office - "The Convict")

Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?

Prison Mike: I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom.

Jim: That is... quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.

Prison Mike: And I nevah got caught, neither.

Jim: Well, you're... in... prison, but, mmhmm.

Pam: Prison Mike? What was the food like in prison?

Prison Mike: Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.

Andy: Wow. Prison sounds horrible.

Prison Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Andy. Tanks.

Dwight: Prison Mike. What's the very very worst thing about prison?

Angela: Don't encourage him, Dwight.

Prison Mike: The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They... were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they'd come down, and they'd suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!

Karen: Demen-Dementors like in Harry Potter?

Prison Mike: No, not Harry Potter. ... There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! YOu got a good life. A good life. [turns around, takes bandanna off]