[The Condensed Version]
Two years ago I resigned from the church I was working in and pursued a ministry position in Switzerland. I felt the winds of change blowing through the air. I was ready for change, I thought. However, we did not move to Switzerland. We did not move at all. We stayed in the same place. There are lots of reasons that people move and there are lots of reasons that people stay. I was really ready to move, but that just didn't happen.
The church I resigned from was also the church where my father-in-law is the Pastor. We decided that we would continue attending there. I decided that it would not be for long, but my decision was overruled. It was a difficult dynamic for me to attend the church after my resignation. I didn't want to be there. Not because of the church, but because I was supposed to be somewhere else.
Why is it so hard to sit still?
After several failed attempts at finding a ministry job, we decided to stay until my wife, Heather finished her Masters at Nazarene Theological Seminary. She still had two years left. Could I wait two years? It didn't matter. It really wasn't up to me. It took me some time to figure that out.
After a year had passed, I would love to say that I spent my days walking with God and soaking up his infinite wisdom. Instead, I kicked and screamed and threw a toddler sized tantrum. Why? I guess for the same reason my 4 year old throws a "hissy fit". I didn't get what I wanted.
God was patient with me. My family was patient with me. I love my wife. That has not been a very hard thing. I can say that it has been hard to love me, and she has. She has loved me through the most difficult place of my life thus far.
God took me through not just one year of solitude with him, but two years. Two years without the feelings of "purpose" and "significance" I had been so accustomed to. I don't say that as a martyr. It was good for me to disconnect from everything that I felt was so important to be connected to. I needed to connect with my wife and my two fabulous daughters. I needed to connect with my God and allow him to connect with me.
Everything that happened in the last two years, good or bad, consistently communicated who God is and who I'm not. We were in a different place although we had not moved.
This past May, Heather and I received a call from a pastor in Michigan regarding two positions at their church. This was it. We both felt that we were ready to take the step. We wanted to take the step together. This was the turn in the road. After interviewing and being offered the jobs, we accepted and began making arrangements to relocate. A couple of weeks after that the pastor called us during lunch. He regretfully apologized and withdrew the job offers. At least he didn't say, "It's not you. It's me."
We were stunned, shocked, and stupified. What now?
I don't believe that trusting God is easy. I do think it's necessary. That is all we could do. Trust.
An emailed showed up in my inbox a few days before the employment reversal. It was from a pastor in Wisconsin. I informed him of our move to the neighboring state and wished him well in his search. Shortly after the Michigan mishap, I emailed the Wisconsin pastor with hopes that the positions were still open. They were. Heather and I accepted the jobs at the church. It could not be a better fit. I am so humbled and in awe of the way God works. I sincerely mean that. I have been a skeptic. I have been a critic. I can honestly say that as I am typing I know God cares about me and my family. Not because everything "worked out" for me, but because of how it's working outside of me. No doubt.
Your gonna be somebody, but who?
